Guide for Informed Decision-Making: Where Does Baby Sleep?
Posted By Daisy on July 16, 2010
Where Should Baby Sleep?
In Bed With Us!
This is sometimes called cosleeping, or sharing a “family bed”. Here are the top five reasons advocates will tell you cosleeping is best for your baby.
1. Cosleeping Promotes Nursing.
If you are nursing, then sharing a bed can make things a lot easier than getting out of bed to tend to a hungry baby. Some women even claim an ability to nurse while still asleep; the baby just learns to latch on when hungry. But keep in mind it is very, very likely that a baby in bed right next to his favorite breasts will nurse more often during the night than a baby in a crib who must be hungry enough to wake up and call out to get mom’s attention. I suppose that “promotes nursing.” But, a baby who has been eating at an all-night buffet can be less likely to nurse during the day. Why? He or she’s just not that hungry! This phenomenon is known as “reverse cycling.” So, if you believe nursing is a better and sweeter experience during the day when you are fully awake, that’s important to consider.
2. Cosleeping Promotes Bonding.
Babies do feel more secure in the presence of their parents. Studies will show changes in blood pressure, lower stress hormones, and other signals of a more relaxed baby when they are cuddling with a parent. Bonding is a two way street though. If cosleeping is uncomfortable for you, or if both parents aren’t on the same page, you may feel less and not more bonded to your baby. Babies pick up on the emotional energy of their parents, and will not necessarily feel more relaxed and bonded sleeping next to a stressed-out, unhappy parent.
3. Cosleeping is Better for Daddies.
Proponents of cosleeping often highlight that this gives fathers, particularly those working outside the home all day, a chance to get in touch with their child’s various cries, moods, and signals. Maybe….but, if dad is asleep how much is he really learning? If daddy likes the cuddling at night after being away from his child that’s great. But forcing a father to share a bed if he doesn’t want to isn’t going to provide benefits.
4. Cosleepers Get More Sleep.
If no one has to get up out of bed and pick up the baby for nighttime feeding, then it can be easier. On the other hand, if baby is mauling mom every 30 minutes for a snack, she may not feel she’s getting more sleep.
5. Cosleeping is Safer.
The theory here is that when parents are proximate to their babies (in particular mothers) they’ll have a heightened awareness of changes in babies breathing patterns or other signs of distress. Advocates also frequently point to other cultures where cosleeping is common and without dire consequences.
Where Should Baby Sleep?
They Belong in Their Own Beds!
1. Your Sex Life is Better.
Folks who prefer sleeping separately from their babies often argue that having a baby in your bed can interfere with the parents’ intimacy. On the other hand, some cosleepers get, um, quite inventive about when and where to have sex, and some of them say that cosleeping actually spiced things up.
2. Cosleeping Spoils Your Baby.
This is a point of view issue. If you view cosleeping as caving in to a demanding child, then you are likely to feel that acceding to that demand is spoiling. The argument gets more traction the older the child gets — toddlers can climb into mom and dad’s bed in the middle of the night, and parents have to choose whether to permit that or set some boundaries.
3. Babies in Cribs Learn to Self-Soothe.
If your baby in his or her crib cries out for you very infrequently, it may be that they have become quite good at self-soothing and putting themselves back to sleep after waking, Some babies in cribs are of course terrible sleepers, and it doesn’t appear that being in a crib necessarily helps them learn to sleep through the night. A lot of this is temperament stuff — no two babies are the same, and they’ll respond differently to different sleeping arrangements. Eventually kids will typically move to their own beds. That may be when they are developing an independent streak and are looking for their own space and privacy, or it may be a transition that requires some facilitation from the parents. Whether that transition is early or late is something that you can control, so it doesn’t need to dictate how you start out with your sleeping arrangements,
4. Parents of Crib Babies Get More Sleep.
Your bed will be less crowded, and if your child sleeps for long stretches in his or her crib without waking up to eat this may be true. On the other hand, see all the arguments above about why cosleepers get more sleep.
5. Crib-sleeping is Safer.
The horror stories here often involve parents who roll on top of their tiny children, or babies who get trapped between the bed and the wall, or babies who fall out of the bed. There are lots of resources that can explain steps to take to make co-sleeping safer. Some put the mattress directly on the floor, and some use an attachment on the side of the parents’ bed that really means the baby is sleeping in his or her own space but is close to mom and dad with easy nursing access. IMPORTANT NOTE: There are some categories of parents for whom cosleeping is not a safe option. This includes (1) smokers, (2) obese parents and (3) parents that take any medications that increase drowsiness and might interfere with the ability to wake up upon hearing a child’s whimpers.
Conclusion
Where your child should sleep is all murky territory and you can tear your hair out trying to read up on all the studies out there about what approach is best. The good news is, this is one of those decisions that isn’t irreversible. You can make different choices about sleeping arrangements over time based on your own needs and your child’s needs.
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Thanks for sharing both sides of the ‘story’! It’s always nice not to read all about what one SHOULD or SHOULDN’T do!! Wonderfully written post!!
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I’m with Cori! You take the time to thoughtfully present both sides, and that makes my more likely to consider a point of view that I might not take otherwise. Really nice way to approach lots of discussions!
I just read that a risk of social media is that it enables consumers to filter out information that challenges our existing beliefs. Seems to me that your style, presenting multiple views, is a great way to keep our minds open!
Thank you!
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I just found you through the 31DBBB. This is a great blog with lots of really useful information. I can tell that you really know your stuff. In our family we co-slept with a couple of our kids and didn’t with others. It really was based on the temperament of the baby and I found with a couple of my kids, I was happier and more rested when they shared my bed.
Anyway, on the BlogFrog, you said that your tagline needed help. I think that it has merit, but maybe could use a little more clarity. What if you said something like this “Parenting Outside the Box – Tips, Guidance and Support to Help You on the Journey”? Good luck… and I really enjoyed reading your posts.
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While my children are grown, well one is grown and gone, the other is 11, I still enjoyed reading this post. It brought back memories of conversations the hubby and I had about this very topic.
A bf ff friend=)
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Nice to see both sides of the debate. My kidlets are all teenagers now. I think a lot of what you need to do ends up depending on personalities – parents’ *and* babies’. There’s no “one size fits all” solution to the sleeping issue. Glad to have found your site!
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