Posted By Daisy on January 11, 2011

Well, it’s not that I disrespect all authority — I am not and never have been of the “Don’t trust anyone over 30″ mindset. I often (maybe even usually) respect authority.  I just don’t believe in doing so unthinkingly, and in every instance.  When people say, “respect authority,” it seems they mean it in that un-asking, automatic kind of way.   Let’s break down what it actually means to respect authority before we decide if it’s good to make it a blanket rule.

We’ll start with “respect.”  The first listed dictionary definition of respect is “a feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard.”  Further down is another definition that emphasizes deference: Respect means “polite expressions of consideration or deference, as in pay one’s respects.” (About midway through the list of definitions is the one that I usually intend and prefer, that is, a “willingness to show consideration or appreciation.”)  In the context of “respect authority,” I think it’s safe to say most people mean a deferential sort of respect.

So, what’s this authority to which we owe deferential regard?  According to the dictionary, it’s “the power or right to control, judge, or prohibit the actions of others, or a person or group of people having this power, such as a government, police force, etc.”  The definition of authority is not dependent upon HOW the power to control or judge is being wielded, or HOW a person holding such power such went about obtaining or receiving it. Yet, without knowing these things, it’s hard for me to determine whether a party is worthy of my deferential and appreciative respect.

To my mind there are two good reasons to respect authority.  One is about not getting your ass kicked (particularly when nothing critical is at stake).  That means I’m going to defer to the person holding the gun, be he a cop OR a robber.  And I’m gonna advise my loved ones to do the same.  It also makes sense to me to respect authority when (1) the person with authority got there by means of a process or  course of training that is respectable, AND (2) the person with authority wields their power in a respectable fashion.  Our neighborhood beat cop can help us when we’re lost or need an escort in the dark, and I appreciate that he’s watching out for us.  Many teachers have unique skills and require cooperation from multiple fronts in order for the whole class to benefit from the school experience.  During a fire, you can bet the guys in the red truck know more about what’s best to do than the panicked desk clerk.  In a car crash, it’s wise to let the ambulance EMTs do their thing.  In all four of these cases, respect – both appreciation and deference – seem to make sense.

But, if someone is wielding power in a wrongful fashion and/or they got that power in a wrongful way, AND something important is at stake (remember the don’t-get-your-ass-kicked principle), then…no.  Don’t respect that authority.

There is a lot of grey here, I know, regarding both what’s a legitimate exercise of power and what might be at stake that is important enough to warrant disregarding an authority.  I happen think the grey is good.  It means we have a responsibility to think about these things, and not be sheep.  I don’t aim to raise a sheep, and that’s why my parenting resolutions reject the idea that all authority is to be respected.  I’m choosing to go with the less popular definition of respect – the one that means a willingness to give consideration – and apply it liberally, not based on where one falls in relation to us in a hierarchy, but based on one’s status as a living thing sharing our space.

This stuff is not only important to think about, but timely.  If everyone always respected authority, then history would be different.  Next week we celebrate as a nation the birthday of a man critical to our history, whose contributions came from his decision to NOT respect authority.  He’s in some good company –Ghandi, Thoreau, anyone who gave refuge to a Jewish family during the Third Reich, and countless other examples.

There are horrific examples of disrespecting authority that are timely as well, like the man who shot Congresswoman Giffords last week.  It’s likely that awful act (and others, like the Oklahoma City bombing) were inspired, ironically, by the very same notion that only legitimate authority is to be respected.  Be that as it may, I don’t think the answer is to establish a blanket rule that we all be sheep.

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Categories: On Parenting, Yes, I'm Opinionated
Tags: Congresswoman Giffords, Martin Luther King, respect authority